Once Again....

Damn..I fucked up (as usual). I am such a fuck up. I completely lost it the other day. I am not sure how the other parties involved can forgive me. Hell, I can't forgive myself, why should they forgive me? This just proves my theory...I don't need to be here anymore. Why should I when I keep fucking up? I don't even know if I know how to live a normal life. For the last three years I have done nothing but mess things up. God, please help me.

I want to crank the music so loud that it blows my eardrums so I can't hear the ridicule. I want to get rid of this voice inside of me. It's the one that the music can't drown out, no matter the volume, believe me I've tried. So I will go on with this shame, searching for a buffer from this pain. As I cry, I desperately beg for forgiveness and understanding.

My Legacy

My legacy will be fingerprints I leave on your memories,
Looking back at a moments when we used to joke around.
Do you miss the way we used to be?
Loving life with no fears, constantly carefree.

Well that’s forever gone so don’t expect anything more,
Just look forward and move on with the life you planned.
Pretend that everything is alright, full of normality’s,
‘Cause my legacy will be fingerprints I leave on your memories.

The World Today

Falling down to the world below the creatures of seemingly importance, you struggle against odds to live through a lesson within an experience that will expand you mind. But what an expensive price to be credited to a charge card, so that all debts big or small may grow with interest compounded daily; then tear into you unstable mind, torn heart, absent soul, always collecting payment. And at times, the tilting world seems as though some insignificant person whose only objective or function is to occupy space within an overcrowded, undereducated, and demoralized society, will jack up interest rates just to see you suffer.

Again an event takes place somewhere in the nuclear universe that alters you irksome but shielded life. A blazing light emerges that radiates upon various new roads in front of you. Walking through brush, tearing flesh, straining muscles only to find a town that, where in this town, the jury is always rigged but the people know; they always know the truth. However, in this egg-shaped world, the truth whether right or wrong, will help you not. The only thing that may help, but probably won’t, would be people’s all-important opinion on their perspective of what is acceptable in society.

So the advice given around the now box-shaped world is keep your secrets locked up tight; use a dead bolt, key, combination, chain, and anything else desired by your distorted heart to protect yourself. Then ring the bells for the child that cries when innocence dies, for that child will crawl on its hands and knees accumulating bruises, whelps, and scars that will never in an entire lifetime be forgotten. Pray to the God of your choosing that the humble, fragile, innocent child is not you.

Life This Way

She awakes in the morning alone in her bed
Sadden to leave her dreams behind
The daily routine of life will never change
A better life is in her mind

It seems like tomorrow will be a better day
Safe from reality and herself
But here and now will anything change;
Is there a cure to her failing health?

She looks in the mirror
And says that today’s the day
Not for one more minute
Will she live her life this way.